The Dating Scene in NYC

If you're single and have been for a fairly hefty amount of time (Exhibit A right here), then you'll know the dating scene can be an unpredictable, terrifying and hilarious place all at once. And if you haven't been single for so long that you start to question yourself and everything you stand for, then I hate you (not really, but still). Dating is a battleground and a theme park all at the same time and if you even make it past the entirely average and mediocre chat of dating apps to a first date, it's a miracle in itself. Having said that, new to New York City with just a handful of friends to frolic with, I decided to get back on said dating apps, and my oh my has it been quite the treat for all the wrong reasons. 

Why it's okay to be on your own

Whether you view 'being on your own' as another way of saying 'I'm desperately single', or if you think of it purely as a time where you're left to your own devices while your friends galavant elsewhere, being a solo warrior seems to come hand in hand with negative connotations. As if eating a meal alone is a sign of loneliness, that deciding you don't want to date means you have given up on even trying, or that sacking off plans to go out and party obviously means you're feeling down in the dumps. For some entirely bizarre reason, being on your own is often associated with isolation and negativity, when the fact of the matter is, it's entirely okay to admit that sometimes you like your own company more than anyone else's. 

There is a standard perception that people who are in healthy relationships are generally happier people than ones who aren't. Sure, we would all love hangover spoons on tap, someone to bring us a glass of wine in the bath or cook us dinner from time to time. But what if I like cuddling my cat when I'm hungover, pouring my own glass of wine or spending time cooking my own dinner? Does that make me a bitter loner? The sad thing is, I think that plenty of people would presume that to be the case, but I'm not going to apologise for liking my own company. We need to stop enforcing the idea that to be happy, we need to be in a relationship, and accept that sometimes, we just need more wine. 

Why I've deleted all dating apps.

If you know me, or are a regular reader of my blog, you will know that I am partial to a date or two. Sadly, all of these dates are from Tinder/Happn (cry me a river).

If you know me, you will also know that I enjoy being single and am in no way in need of a relationship. I date because it’s entertaining, not because I’m waiting to be whisked away by Prince Charming, because let's face it, he went down with Cindy a long time ago.

On said dating apps, there tend to be three categories of men, and forgive me for stereotyping, but in this instance, it’s plain necessary:

1. Good looking men who are bloody basic and have the intelligence of a pea. They will most likely also be holding a bottle of Grey Goose and have a selfie of them bicep curling in the gym. Vom.
2. Men that are ‘aesthetically challenged’ and have a bio that reads something like ‘Hi, I’m Darren! I’m 5 ft 8 I like keeping fit, going on walks and eating out lol. Message me to find out more!’. Bless you Darren, I hope you find someone equally as lovely but it ‘aint me.
3. Fucking idiots.

Tinder Probs

So in the 21st century, where, for the majority of the time, the world of dating evolves from Tinder, an observatory post of Tinder woes and Tinder probs seemed more than timely. I'm sure you can all relate...

1. As you are swiping - 'no, no, no, meh, no, no, NOOO HOLY SHIT WHY DID I SWIPE LEFT ON HIM WHYYY.'

2.  Coming across someone you mildly know and thinking 'do I swipe left or right? What if we match and he thinks I fancy him? What if I swipe right and he doesn't, I will know forever more that he HATES ME.'

3. Accidentally swiping right on an absolute minger and thinking, 'yep, that's fate, I'm destined for an ogre.'

4. Stumbling across someone in public that you've matched, getting eye contact and immediately wanting to die. Fml. 

5. Matching someone, saying hi and them just never replying. Did you just suddenly decide that I got ugly?

6. Going on a Tinder date with someone who looks like they're a solid 8 out of 10 in pictures, but in reality, they are no more than a 3. Must. Think. Of. Escape. Route. Pronto. 

7. Seeing somebody absolutely amazing in public and thinking 'holy fuck he MUST be on tinder' and then proceeding to swipe left on so many good looking people just to find him because HE IS THE ONE. 

8. You've matched a pure God and it's too good to be true. You think 'omg I've found my husband, what will our bridesmaids wear?!', he starts conversation with 'hi bby, how are u? xx'. Plan ruined.


Happy Tindering!!!

The Cold Blooded Murder of Chivalry

Last week I was taken on a date. I must emphasise, I use the word 'date' in the loosest sense of the term. Said date involved a slightly awkward tour of Primark, a visit to his friend's house (bearing in mind I had never met this guy before, let alone his pals) and, wait for it....a pint of coke in Wetherpoons. I tell no lies.

Call me old fashioned, but is this really what one should expect of a date in the 21st Century? Is Tinder and hooking up with a guy in a club the only way that women have a chance to meet new men? If so, count me out, I'll grow old with my cats. 

If you take a girl out and show her that you're more than just a slime ball waiting to get in her pants, she will appreciate it and you might even get a second date. I would rhetorically ask what happened to the days when men picked up women and took them out for a romantic meal, but I've never actually been at the appropriate age to witness it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about cringey shit, but being looked after and being made feel wanted by a genuine gentleman would go a long way. Taking a girl to Primark and Spoons just isn't gonna cut it. I reckon I had better dates when I was seven years old when my crush bought me perfume from Claire's, made me a homemade card and took me to play on the swings at the park. If a seven year old boy can be more thoughtful than a twenty-three year old one, God help us all.

Chivalry is most certainly dead. I'm not saying this is men's fault. It might be a bold statement, but it's societies in general. We don't take the time to get to know one another. Heck, during freshers week everyone is your best mate and nobody would bat an eyelid if you introduced yourself to a complete stranger. Why are people not this friendly all the time? Why do people not go and say hello to that good looking person over the road? 

I hold my hands up and admit that I am on Tinder, and yes, I am ashamed to say the example date stated was a result of a Tinder conversation. So in retrospect, I think, what were you expecting? I got what I had bargained for. This is the precise issue. Women have got complacent with thinking that men can get away with adhering to the bare minimum. It's normal. And it most certainly shouldn't be.

Men needn't be cautious of being gentlemen. Feminism might have scared a few of them off, but following my first proper post here, we don't mind you holding the door open for us, helping us carry our heavy luggage or taking us out for a nice dinner. What we do mind, is you thinking it's acceptable to take us to Spoons or ask us after a brief exchange of words, to 'Come mine?'. Are. You. Serious.

Women, get off your high horse and start believing that it's okay for men to look after you once in a while.

Men, put in some bloody effort.