Why I've deleted all dating apps.

If you know me, or are a regular reader of my blog, you will know that I am partial to a date or two. Sadly, all of these dates are from Tinder/Happn (cry me a river).

If you know me, you will also know that I enjoy being single and am in no way in need of a relationship. I date because it’s entertaining, not because I’m waiting to be whisked away by Prince Charming, because let's face it, he went down with Cindy a long time ago.

On said dating apps, there tend to be three categories of men, and forgive me for stereotyping, but in this instance, it’s plain necessary:

1. Good looking men who are bloody basic and have the intelligence of a pea. They will most likely also be holding a bottle of Grey Goose and have a selfie of them bicep curling in the gym. Vom.
2. Men that are ‘aesthetically challenged’ and have a bio that reads something like ‘Hi, I’m Darren! I’m 5 ft 8 I like keeping fit, going on walks and eating out lol. Message me to find out more!’. Bless you Darren, I hope you find someone equally as lovely but it ‘aint me.
3. Fucking idiots.

So we stumble across the first issue; it’s pretty challenging to find anyone on dating apps who seems remotely ‘normal’. On the rare occasion that you do, chatting often leads to dating, be it usually awfully hilarious. See below for examples.

Exhibit A: “Spoons”

·      Having met in Churchill Square (are we 13?), said gentleman, lead me to Primark to pick out his Halloween costume. If you’re good friends with the chap, then absolutely fine, but first date material? Nah. He proceeded to take me to his friend’s house to pick up the final prop for his costume and we finally ended up in Wetherspoons with a pint of Cola. What. A. Dreamboat.

Exhibit B: “Cilla Black”

·      First of all, he referred to drinking a ginger beer as ‘eating Cilla Black’s pussy’….I wish I was lying. Then he proceeded to get so drunk he told me his life story and shared all problems known to man about why he was single. I’m polite so I stayed to listen. It got too much when he tried to kiss me and I said ‘you're very close to my face right now, goodbye’.

Exhibit C: “Sweaty Potato”

·      Okay so this one’s a bit different to the above. He was a nice guy, he got to date number three, which with my track record is pretty good going.  But he was nice. Just nice. For a girl that needs a bit of witty chat and to be kept on her toes it wasn’t going to cut it. The cherry on the cake was when he sent me a photo of his face post run workout. He wasn’t being ironic, he wasn’t taking the mic, he genuinely had taken a photo of his face, beads of sweat and all. Sweaty potato was a goner.

So first of all, it’s difficult to find someone normal. Then when you do find someone that seems normal, they are again either basic, weird or an idiot.  But this isn’t the reason I’ve deleted all dating apps, these types of dates are the stories you tell at work the next day or the memories you laugh at a few months down the line with your best friend. The reason I’m deleting all dating apps is because I believe they have made people complacent, myself included.

Due to the endless pool of men and women, it’s never been easier to sack someone off almost with the guarantee of talking to someone new by dinner time. In reality, when you take away that tangible mobile screen, nobody makes an effort. If we go on a first date and it’s a bit average, not horrendous, just okay, we have absolutely no inclination to give the poor sod another shot, because we just think, hey, back to the drawing board, I’ll find someone else within an hour.

I genuinely believe the reason people don’t talk in bars and clubs anymore is because they are so used to hiding behind the screens of their phones as a safety net. It’s become a sort of protection. Yet due to the fact dating and relationships is now so heavily reliant on the digital phenomena, getting phased out or having the ability to phase someone out is basically imminent. Relationships have become precarious because it’s almost too easy to go on a date and find someone to chat to. Though the rare occasion does occur where Tinder dates lead to long term relationships, ultimately, the addiction to dating apps has backfired, leaving a lot of singletons with false hope.

I’m happy being single so why should I put this ethos into the firing line when men are just going to be dicks. I’m a bit bored of people’s reliance and obsessions with swiping left or right so if we could maybe start talking to one another again and not rely on meeting someone over a digital application, I reckon we’d all be having a lot more fun.

So see ya later Tinder, I’m no longer about that life.