The Dating Scene in NYC

If you're single and have been for a fairly hefty amount of time (Exhibit A right here), then you'll know the dating scene can be an unpredictable, terrifying and hilarious place all at once. And if you haven't been single for so long that you start to question yourself and everything you stand for, then I hate you (not really, but still). Dating is a battleground and a theme park all at the same time and if you even make it past the entirely average and mediocre chat of dating apps to a first date, it's a miracle in itself. Having said that, new to New York City with just a handful of friends to frolic with, I decided to get back on said dating apps, and my oh my has it been quite the treat for all the wrong reasons. 

Why it's okay to be on your own

Whether you view 'being on your own' as another way of saying 'I'm desperately single', or if you think of it purely as a time where you're left to your own devices while your friends galavant elsewhere, being a solo warrior seems to come hand in hand with negative connotations. As if eating a meal alone is a sign of loneliness, that deciding you don't want to date means you have given up on even trying, or that sacking off plans to go out and party obviously means you're feeling down in the dumps. For some entirely bizarre reason, being on your own is often associated with isolation and negativity, when the fact of the matter is, it's entirely okay to admit that sometimes you like your own company more than anyone else's. 

There is a standard perception that people who are in healthy relationships are generally happier people than ones who aren't. Sure, we would all love hangover spoons on tap, someone to bring us a glass of wine in the bath or cook us dinner from time to time. But what if I like cuddling my cat when I'm hungover, pouring my own glass of wine or spending time cooking my own dinner? Does that make me a bitter loner? The sad thing is, I think that plenty of people would presume that to be the case, but I'm not going to apologise for liking my own company. We need to stop enforcing the idea that to be happy, we need to be in a relationship, and accept that sometimes, we just need more wine. 

Why I've deleted all dating apps.

If you know me, or are a regular reader of my blog, you will know that I am partial to a date or two. Sadly, all of these dates are from Tinder/Happn (cry me a river).

If you know me, you will also know that I enjoy being single and am in no way in need of a relationship. I date because it’s entertaining, not because I’m waiting to be whisked away by Prince Charming, because let's face it, he went down with Cindy a long time ago.

On said dating apps, there tend to be three categories of men, and forgive me for stereotyping, but in this instance, it’s plain necessary:

1. Good looking men who are bloody basic and have the intelligence of a pea. They will most likely also be holding a bottle of Grey Goose and have a selfie of them bicep curling in the gym. Vom.
2. Men that are ‘aesthetically challenged’ and have a bio that reads something like ‘Hi, I’m Darren! I’m 5 ft 8 I like keeping fit, going on walks and eating out lol. Message me to find out more!’. Bless you Darren, I hope you find someone equally as lovely but it ‘aint me.
3. Fucking idiots.

Valentine's Day; When Only Appearances Matter

Yep, it's that time of year, the 'Hallmark Holiday' created to tell everyone that if you're single, you're a real fucking loner, and if you're in a relationship, you should probably buy some flowers and a card because otherwise you're clearly not loved up enough.

There are three options for Valentine's Day;

1. Take your other half out for dinner in a crowded, contrived restaurant where all couples are competing for the cutest couple 2k15 award.
2. Stay in with your partner where convention dictates you must set the mood. You light those candles and lay those rose petals, cupid. 
3. Or as a singleton, you have two options - stay in and feel really fucking miserable while you perceive everyone else having the loveliest time OR like me, dress up, go out with your pals and get pissed as a fart (I can't wait). 

The thing that all three of these options have in common though is that it's the appearance of everyone else around you and your knowledge of what everyone else is doing that matters. You think, oh but he's taking her here and we're sat at home. Or, I'm sat here all alone while everyone else in a relationship is getting laid and spoilt rotten. When in reality, you have absolutely no idea what is going on beneath that adorably happy relationship on the table opposite you. You have absolutely no idea the struggles anyone else is experiencing and by comparison of their appearance, you deconstruct everything that you're doing wrong in life. 

Don't let appearances trick you; if you are happy not really doing anything with your loved one to celebrate Valentine's day or if you are happy being alone, then good for you. Appearances which lead to a comparison to your own life are dangerous.

Essentially, shut everyone else out on Valentine's and appreciate what you have that makes you happy. By all means tell friends, family, partners and the family dog that you love them, but know that today is not the only day to do it. Christmas might be Santa's busiest day of the year, but come Valentine's Day, Cupid can go elsewhere because there's absolutely nothing for him to do here.