"Like a Girl"

Here comes a far less trivial post than my last, but one that should resonate with every single reader. Before continuing, I would urge you to watch the short video below, (and if you want to get really really pent up, then read the comments. I can't even):

I hold my hands up and admit that I am guilty of using language associated with the male gender to throw around a whimsical insult. Phrases such as 'man up' and 'grow some balls' are thrown around willy nilly (no pun intended). Why then are we constantly assuming that men are the stronger gender? Yes, they may stereotypically have more physical strength and might be able to run faster, throw further, fight better than women, but that's exactly where the problem stems from; societal stereotypes.

Stereotypes are everywhere. Remember kids, the chocolate Yorkie bar is not suitable for girls, and if you want to buy something specifically for girls, it's most probably going to be pink. Because obviously we only like things that are pink....

I call bullshit. 

When are we all going to be accepted on the same wave, as human beings, as opposed to being separated in to two very different distinct categories. Don't get me wrong, we're always going to be biologically different but acceptance of gender fluidity should be a thing. When stereotypes such as the above are still abundant in society, men and women are never going to be thought of as equal.

I would love to say that the world is doing something right as the young girls in the video above have obviously been raised to appreciate and comprehend the equality of genders, however, sadly I don't think that's the case. I think they simply haven't been tainted by the pressures of puberty, that which comes hand in hand with growing up (for boys as well may I add). Make up hasn't become a thing, sexual pressures remain absent and getting your homework in on time is the biggest of your woes. As soon as you grow boobs, for whatever reason, 'like a girl' becomes an insult.

When did it become acceptable to tell women, and men for that matter, that they need to act more like a man? Because women are fragile and men are the strong ones that we need to look up to? Hell no h20. Of course, 'woman up' and 'grow some breasts' isn't quite going to cut it, because that would just be hypocritical, but just because we have a perky (or not) pair of assets, doesn't mean we're weak and pathetic. 

It's so so difficult to explain this when the connotations surrounding feminism denote passive aggressive females. Just last week I asked my male friend if he was a feminist and he laughed in my face. Another guy I asked, responded 'of course not, I'm a man!'. Sorry I'm a raging lesbian with hairy armpits. 

"Like a girl" is not an insult and "Man up" is not a thing.

Yay to being human beings. 

Tinder Probs

So in the 21st century, where, for the majority of the time, the world of dating evolves from Tinder, an observatory post of Tinder woes and Tinder probs seemed more than timely. I'm sure you can all relate...

1. As you are swiping - 'no, no, no, meh, no, no, NOOO HOLY SHIT WHY DID I SWIPE LEFT ON HIM WHYYY.'

2.  Coming across someone you mildly know and thinking 'do I swipe left or right? What if we match and he thinks I fancy him? What if I swipe right and he doesn't, I will know forever more that he HATES ME.'

3. Accidentally swiping right on an absolute minger and thinking, 'yep, that's fate, I'm destined for an ogre.'

4. Stumbling across someone in public that you've matched, getting eye contact and immediately wanting to die. Fml. 

5. Matching someone, saying hi and them just never replying. Did you just suddenly decide that I got ugly?

6. Going on a Tinder date with someone who looks like they're a solid 8 out of 10 in pictures, but in reality, they are no more than a 3. Must. Think. Of. Escape. Route. Pronto. 

7. Seeing somebody absolutely amazing in public and thinking 'holy fuck he MUST be on tinder' and then proceeding to swipe left on so many good looking people just to find him because HE IS THE ONE. 

8. You've matched a pure God and it's too good to be true. You think 'omg I've found my husband, what will our bridesmaids wear?!', he starts conversation with 'hi bby, how are u? xx'. Plan ruined.


Happy Tindering!!!

Why it's okay to be a bit lost in your twenties.

So this isn't a particularly revolutionary post, or one with controversial views, it's simply an innocent rambling stemmed from the quote below:

‘Nothing will ruin your 20s more than thinking you should already have your life together.’

If there was ever a 'quote to live by', that right there, would be it. I  aways just presumed that by my twenties I would have my shit together and know exactly where I was going with my life. But when I think about where I will be in five years time, I have absolutely no idea, and although this is terrifying, it should be exciting too.

Traditionally, you go through the whirlwind of final year at University, you graduate from the most exciting three years of your life, and then it simply feels like you've been shoved off a plank into the deep end, not knowing what direction is up.

When we look at the instagrams of colleagues, friends and that random girl we just like to stalk, we just assume that everybody's life is so much more glamorous and exciting than our own. When we feel a bit shit or are having a generally down day, we use social media as our point of reference to feel so much worse (that Walden filter on instagram can make anything look worthy of envy). But guess what, it's okay to feel lost and a little bit shit. Stop comparing your life to other people's. We're not supposed to have our shit together and that means that we can get away with so much more.

We're at that wonderful age when we can still get away with lying in bed all day hungover on a Saturday, but we now simultaneously have responsibilities that we dreamt of when we were in our early teens; having your own place, working in an office and being able to wear heels in the day. I'm not one for the cringe factor, but for now I'm going to have to suck it, as your twenties are about exploring, making mistakes, going on awful dates, getting too drunk and learning about yourself.

I realise I'm writing this as if only twenty-somethings are reading, but whether you're nostalgic for the past or desperately clinging to your teen years, know that you can look back on or look forward to your twenties in it's entirety. So I'm just going to sit here in my jammies with a cup of tea on a Sunday afternoon and look forward to next weekend when as routine states, I will be getting pissed as a fart and eating too much unhealthy food. Because I can.

The Cold Blooded Murder of Chivalry

Last week I was taken on a date. I must emphasise, I use the word 'date' in the loosest sense of the term. Said date involved a slightly awkward tour of Primark, a visit to his friend's house (bearing in mind I had never met this guy before, let alone his pals) and, wait for it....a pint of coke in Wetherpoons. I tell no lies.

Call me old fashioned, but is this really what one should expect of a date in the 21st Century? Is Tinder and hooking up with a guy in a club the only way that women have a chance to meet new men? If so, count me out, I'll grow old with my cats. 

If you take a girl out and show her that you're more than just a slime ball waiting to get in her pants, she will appreciate it and you might even get a second date. I would rhetorically ask what happened to the days when men picked up women and took them out for a romantic meal, but I've never actually been at the appropriate age to witness it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about cringey shit, but being looked after and being made feel wanted by a genuine gentleman would go a long way. Taking a girl to Primark and Spoons just isn't gonna cut it. I reckon I had better dates when I was seven years old when my crush bought me perfume from Claire's, made me a homemade card and took me to play on the swings at the park. If a seven year old boy can be more thoughtful than a twenty-three year old one, God help us all.

Chivalry is most certainly dead. I'm not saying this is men's fault. It might be a bold statement, but it's societies in general. We don't take the time to get to know one another. Heck, during freshers week everyone is your best mate and nobody would bat an eyelid if you introduced yourself to a complete stranger. Why are people not this friendly all the time? Why do people not go and say hello to that good looking person over the road? 

I hold my hands up and admit that I am on Tinder, and yes, I am ashamed to say the example date stated was a result of a Tinder conversation. So in retrospect, I think, what were you expecting? I got what I had bargained for. This is the precise issue. Women have got complacent with thinking that men can get away with adhering to the bare minimum. It's normal. And it most certainly shouldn't be.

Men needn't be cautious of being gentlemen. Feminism might have scared a few of them off, but following my first proper post here, we don't mind you holding the door open for us, helping us carry our heavy luggage or taking us out for a nice dinner. What we do mind, is you thinking it's acceptable to take us to Spoons or ask us after a brief exchange of words, to 'Come mine?'. Are. You. Serious.

Women, get off your high horse and start believing that it's okay for men to look after you once in a while.

Men, put in some bloody effort. 

A whole lot of Gillian Flynn.

I decided to read Gone Girl on a whim whilst on holiday in 2013 before the Gillian Flynn hype began. Since then, I obviously jumped at seeing Fincher's recent screen version of the novel and have likewise hastily gobbled up Gone Girl's predeccesor, Sharp Objects.

Flynn's haunting and accessible writing makes for an easy read that doesn't fail to unsettle. Both novels left me feeling uneasy, the chilling plot of the texts gripping me from the beginning. However, I do have an easy favourite; Gone Girl. If you haven't read it, you probably should. 

Unlike Sharp Objects, the novel has various twists and turns that made me gasp on multiple occassions. You just don't see it coming. (Note - the next sentence could be seen as a spoiler). And though some found the ending somewhat disappointing, in my opinion the recuperation of the 'nuclear' family is far more chilling than anything more dramatic. Fincher's version of the film left me feeling a bit numb, but this is not to say that I didn't enjoy it, and this is what I find most interesting. There's no doubt it is extremely accurate to the novel, however, I left the cinema with a feeling that can only be described by the word 'oh'. What left me feeling like this, I haven't quite put my finger on. Maybe the fact I didn't leave having loads to say about it, actually mirrors the way the original novel left me feeling: unsettled. For a novel that isnt a particularly cinematically accessible one, Fincher's adaptation of it and more importantly, my reaction to it (or lack thereof), is actually kind of genius. Leaving you feel uncomfortable and not being able to understand why, is very very clever indeed.

Sharp Objects is obvious from the start and I'd say even contrived. Flynn tries to create suspense but the direction of the novel is a very straight and unsurprising one. What makes it an enjoyable novel in my opinion, is the characters, as opposed to the actual plot itself. Flynn is genius at creating the most haunting, and frankly fucked up, people.

Interestingly, these fucked up people within both novels have one very obvious thing in common: they are pragmatically evil women. Upon initial review, it might seem then that Flynn is mysoginistic. However, is it not a feminist move in itself to create women that arent just romantic heroines, that have a bit more 'oomph' to them. Because really, these women aren't just pscyho bitches, they are really bloody clever. In an extremely twisted way, they create their own power and dominance. The fact literature and pop culture in general lacks female villains surely says something powerful.

Essentially, Flynn's novels might be easy to read, however as this post suggests, it is only when you dig beneath the surface of the text, just as the character's must do within, that the truly chilling tone of the novels is fully revealed. That is, the psychological mind space of feeling uncomfortable in your own skin and not even knowing why.

Welcome!

My inspiration to start a blog stemmed from graduating univeristy and entering the 'real world'. Rather abruptly thrown into a job at a marketing agency, I decided that my brain was seriously lusting some attention and outlet for expression.

Now that I'm not writing essays left right and centre or sharing ideas in weekly seminars, I'm content that I've found somewhere where my often nonsensical musings can be expressed.

Think observations, reviews of various genres and often debateable opinions and viola - Dolly's Words is born!

To begin my so called, 'blogging journey', I will start with a little bit about myself. I'm Holly (aka Dolly), I'm 21, and I'm an English Literature and Film Graduate. I love all things girly, am a bit of a turtle fanatatic and am partial to spending my monthly earnings on great food. You will either find me reading a book in bed, meandering around the beautiful place that I call home, that is, Brighton, or being silly with friends. 

Nothing extra ordinary, but I hope that as well as fulfilling my thirsty brain, my blog will also provide an outlet of escape and entertainment for its readers.

xxx