Whether you view 'being on your own' as another way of saying 'I'm desperately single', or if you think of it purely as a time where you're left to your own devices while your friends galavant elsewhere, being a solo warrior seems to come hand in hand with negative connotations. As if eating a meal alone is a sign of loneliness, that deciding you don't want to date means you have given up on even trying, or that sacking off plans to go out and party obviously means you're feeling down in the dumps. For some entirely bizarre reason, being on your own is often associated with isolation and negativity, when the fact of the matter is, it's entirely okay to admit that sometimes you like your own company more than anyone else's.
There is a standard perception that people who are in healthy relationships are generally happier people than ones who aren't. Sure, we would all love hangover spoons on tap, someone to bring us a glass of wine in the bath or cook us dinner from time to time. But what if I like cuddling my cat when I'm hungover, pouring my own glass of wine or spending time cooking my own dinner? Does that make me a bitter loner? The sad thing is, I think that plenty of people would presume that to be the case, but I'm not going to apologise for liking my own company. We need to stop enforcing the idea that to be happy, we need to be in a relationship, and accept that sometimes, we just need more wine.
Of course, our biological purpose on earth is to procreate and to do that, kids, you need to have sex, and to have sex in the traditional sense of the word, you need one man and one woman. Therefore does a woman’s so called longing to be in a relationship stem from the inherent desire to carry a bun in the oven? Or is it that women desire relationships not to have babies, but to feel loved and feel worth something? The latter sentence is one that makes me sad to my core. If you rely on someone else to make you feel worthy then something has gone wrong.
On the other side of the coin to the cat loving lonely-heart, we have the woman who is a bitter model. One who is independent, has too many opinions and therefore is labelled a 'man hater' by her male counterparts. The stigma of the single woman continues. The male equivalent is obviously a life-loving casanova who is a total lad, but the can of worms surrounding gender expectations in this context can be opened another day.
Historically, we're lucky that we can choose our own partners, and not be married off to any old Nigel at age 15. So why rush. The moment someone, woman or man, mentions that they're happily single, it seems the norm for people to presume that we're lying, and that we must be on the hunt for a match and will not be content until we find them. Bore me bloody later. I like being single. I like being on my own. There I said it.
At the end of the day, you are not half a person waiting for another half to make you whole.
Evidently, there's plenty of stimuli out there telling women that they are defective if they are single. And it's not just relationships where being alone is viewed with a head-titled 'Naww, poor thing', it extends to recreational activities too. How many of us are scared to go to the cinema alone in fear of looking silly? Or to a bar to drink a pint alone? Of course we are, because it's presumed that we must have nobody else to go with if we do so, and therefore must be lonely. But what if we are actively choosing to be alone in these situations? Sometimes we might not have a choice, and being in company of friends is often more enjoyable, however as individuals, we are responsible for cultivating our own happiness. Other individuals might help heighten our happiness, and we are certainly likely to laugh more in the company of others, but to raise a glass alone is absolutely fine too.
So if you've already found your romantic equivalent, or if you're yet to start the quest to find someone to spend your days with, make sure that you truly appreciate your own worth and your own company. Pour the passion and desire that you channel elsewhere, back into yourself, and if you do meet somebody along the way, wonderful. Just remember that you are just as much of a wonderful person, with or without a significant other.
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