Why I've deleted all dating apps.

If you know me, or are a regular reader of my blog, you will know that I am partial to a date or two. Sadly, all of these dates are from Tinder/Happn (cry me a river).

If you know me, you will also know that I enjoy being single and am in no way in need of a relationship. I date because it’s entertaining, not because I’m waiting to be whisked away by Prince Charming, because let's face it, he went down with Cindy a long time ago.

On said dating apps, there tend to be three categories of men, and forgive me for stereotyping, but in this instance, it’s plain necessary:

1. Good looking men who are bloody basic and have the intelligence of a pea. They will most likely also be holding a bottle of Grey Goose and have a selfie of them bicep curling in the gym. Vom.
2. Men that are ‘aesthetically challenged’ and have a bio that reads something like ‘Hi, I’m Darren! I’m 5 ft 8 I like keeping fit, going on walks and eating out lol. Message me to find out more!’. Bless you Darren, I hope you find someone equally as lovely but it ‘aint me.
3. Fucking idiots.

What it means to be Sassy.

Sass; my favourite word of all time, and as predicted back in January, the word of 2015.  As Google tells us, being sassy is to be lively, bold and full of spirit. To achieve this you must dress in a way that makes you feel flawlessly confident, chuck in a pinch of ‘I don’t give a fuck’, stir in the ability to take the piss out of yourself and if you really fancy, throw in some heels for good measure. But maybe that’s just me.

So far, 2015 has probably been my favourite year of the 22 years of my life and I thought I’d share some top tips on what I’ve done to make this possible.

1. Go on lots of dates.

In the day in age of ‘Netflix and chill’, it might be depressing that very few people seem capable of initial face to face interaction, but with the likes of Tinder, at least we are provided with an unlimited sea of unsuspecting, be it mostly basic, men and women to date. Some will be horrendous to the point of hysteria and very few will be anything more than mediocre. But you know what, getting dressed up and going for a drink with somebody new is often quite empowering, and ultimately, a bit of a laugh.  

2. Dress accordingly.  

It’s basically a fact that if you feel good about your appearance, you will ooze confidence, be more efficient and productivity levels will therefore skyrocket. A slob fest is great once in a while, but you’re going to feel far from sassy in your criminal see-through leggings and Nike trainers. If you’re dressing to impress others though, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Dress in a way that makes you think, ‘Hi today, I’m going to own you.’  

3. GAF (give a fuck?)

Somebody says something that should probably bother you, but really, GAF? Obviously don’t rid of all your human compassion and empathy, that would just make you a dick, but do try to care a bit less about what other people think. If you’re not hurting anybody in the process and you’re doing what makes you happy, then you’re doing it right.

4. Be a bit weird.

Nobody likes normal.  The ability to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously is a great one. There are times to be serious, and there are times when this is just boring. Don’t be one of those people that has the same pose in every single photo; pull a face, have a laugh and of course, see above.

5. Don’t hold on to the past.

It’s inevitable in life that human relationships change and people will grow apart. Try to review the past with feelings of contentment and untainted nostalgia and don’t cling on to something that isn’t providing you with any value anymore. It’s a waste of your energy.

6. Work hard, play hard.

Put everything in to your passions and dreams. Political activism, travel, career, whatever. Don’t do it half-heartedly and commit to success. Being driven and ambitious is, in my opinion, one of the most fundamental traits to leading a fulfilled lifestyle. Remember though, work is just one element of a wider picture. Drink martinis and slut drop once in a while, I dare you.

So there we have it, a few top tips on how to grab the rest of 2015 by the balls and own it. I urge you all to stop caring so much about how other people around you perceive you and what it is that makes you happy. Being sassy doesn’t involve anybody else, it involves you committing to what you believe in.  Go get ‘em.

Bite the bullet.

Social media = various platforms that enable us to communicate with distant family, take fugly photos of ourselves to send to our best friends or make our selfies look effortlessly 'I woke up like this', all with the help of a nice little X-Pro II filter. Something pretty good for socialising then right? 

Wrong. 

Sure we all love a bit of social media - (I work for a digital social media company goddammit so without it, I'd be pretty screwed, let's be real). However, among the more trivial social media problems (you can read those here) there is a profound issue with the very fact we have become so unbelievably reliant on it, that the most basic human interactions are made more difficult. 

Take how reliant we are on Tinder for meeting people for example. Last night was the first time in a long time that I actually had a face to face conversation with a guy that approached me in a bar. Touche to you my friend. The fact I didn't get his number and then proceeded to stalk and try and find him online is completely besides the point (gimme a break, if you say you haven't done it, you're a liar), but essentially, having a nice chin wag with someone over a glass of wine (maybe it was a jagerbomb, past 12am you can never really tell) is always going to beat reading words from a phone screen. 

People have become so reliant on social media that in ways, it's actually making us more antisocial. I can count on one hand how many people I actually have regular phone conversations with, and I don't even need all five fingers. Rather than actually talking to one another, we hide behind the filters of our Facebook and Instagram profiles trying to prove to everyone around us that my night out was better than yours, my burger is bigger than yours and the view from my room is more beautiful than yours. 

I am completely guilty of all of the above, and I'm definitely not going to stop posting photos or tweets, because essentially, they act as a catalogue of our experiences to look back at with fond nostalgia, especially more so now that the app TimeHop has been created. However, I feel social media is becoming close to an obsession for many people, which in turn, has become detrimental to their abilities to communicate with new people in 'real life'.

When you're out and about with friends, family or the dog, put your phone down and look around you. When you see something inspiring, document it in a photo sure, but use it as a talking point for discussion or as a memory to appreciate in 5 years time. When you meet someone interesting, don't be afraid to continue discussion over a drink, you have nothing to lose.

Stop hiding behind your phone and the mask of social media, bite the bullet, and go and talk to that fitty across the bar. When you get married in five years time you'll probably get a great new profile pic.

Valentine's Day; When Only Appearances Matter

Yep, it's that time of year, the 'Hallmark Holiday' created to tell everyone that if you're single, you're a real fucking loner, and if you're in a relationship, you should probably buy some flowers and a card because otherwise you're clearly not loved up enough.

There are three options for Valentine's Day;

1. Take your other half out for dinner in a crowded, contrived restaurant where all couples are competing for the cutest couple 2k15 award.
2. Stay in with your partner where convention dictates you must set the mood. You light those candles and lay those rose petals, cupid. 
3. Or as a singleton, you have two options - stay in and feel really fucking miserable while you perceive everyone else having the loveliest time OR like me, dress up, go out with your pals and get pissed as a fart (I can't wait). 

The thing that all three of these options have in common though is that it's the appearance of everyone else around you and your knowledge of what everyone else is doing that matters. You think, oh but he's taking her here and we're sat at home. Or, I'm sat here all alone while everyone else in a relationship is getting laid and spoilt rotten. When in reality, you have absolutely no idea what is going on beneath that adorably happy relationship on the table opposite you. You have absolutely no idea the struggles anyone else is experiencing and by comparison of their appearance, you deconstruct everything that you're doing wrong in life. 

Don't let appearances trick you; if you are happy not really doing anything with your loved one to celebrate Valentine's day or if you are happy being alone, then good for you. Appearances which lead to a comparison to your own life are dangerous.

Essentially, shut everyone else out on Valentine's and appreciate what you have that makes you happy. By all means tell friends, family, partners and the family dog that you love them, but know that today is not the only day to do it. Christmas might be Santa's busiest day of the year, but come Valentine's Day, Cupid can go elsewhere because there's absolutely nothing for him to do here. 

10 problems we all face using Social Media

In an era when everyday life is pretty much ruled by Social Media, here are some problems that at one time or another, I'm sure we've all probably experienced. Social Media 'aint such a great pal after all...

1. Not being able to get out of bed in the morning until you have checked all Insta/Twitter/Facebook/Snapchat feeds. Because if you don't, you will probably miss something really important and your life will be over (oh, irony). 

2. The dreaded blue ticks on Whatsapp. We 100% know that you've seen our message and even you know that we know. So why oh why do you not reply? The rage is real.

3. As above, but this time you're the culprit. Someone messages you and you just cant be arsed to reply. But oh no, now they know you've seen it. It takes two to tango.

4. Creating the ugliest snapchat known to mankind and accidentally sending it to that fit guy you met on Tinder succeeded only by the word, NOOOOO. (Talking of which, read a whole list of Tinder probs here)

5. Getting pissed as a fart on a Friday night and creating the most hilarious snapchat story to ever grace the world. Waking up in the morning and realising your 100 second story isn't funny at all, and that really, you're just a bit of a moron.

6. You create the greatest instagram photo; an image good enough to be framed on the wall, some might even say a masterpiece. You hashtag the shit out of it............and you get one like. Instant deletion. 

7. Taking a great selfie with your friends on a night out and secretly thinking, 'shit me I look great, this is going to be my profile picture'. You go to change it the next day and your friend has already beaten you to it. Bitch please.

8. Spending a good ten minutes on Facebook/Insta stalking some fit guy/girl you haven't spoken to since you were 15 and accidentally liking their photo from about 2 years ago. Kill me now. 

9. Being genuinely fed up that you don't have anyting remotely interesting to tweet about so you tweet about the fact you have nothing to tweet about. Good one.

10. The God of all problems, the cream of the crop: searching someone's name on Facebook and accidentally putting it as your status. R.I.P me.

#firstworldproblems

How to tell the January blues to do one.

So we all know the 'new year new me' hype is utter bullshit - you're still the same person you were last month, maybe just slightly porkier and with a bag full of regrets from your crazy drunkenness on New Years Eve'.

However, even if January is the shittest month known to man - we're on a comedown from the festive period, we're skint, it's raining (cry me a river) - I realised as I was walking along minding my own business that I had absolutely no reason to feel crap. I might not have any exotic holidays planned or that Burberry trench coat that I am so badly yearning for, but what I do have is just fine. That's where the difference between happiness and contentment comes in. 

Every time we're not truly happy with every single aspect of our lives, we mistake it for unhappiness. We achieve everything we've ever wanted, we obtain all material goods to satisfy, and yet our happiness lasts for about a week before we strive for the next big thing and we're not truly settled until we get it. 

I'm not being a moron, insinuating that people aren't ever unhappy, I'm simply iterating that being content with what you do have should be that which makes you smile, because sometimes, true happiness 100% of the time just isn't possible.

CONTENTMENT  Having one’s desire bound by what one has (though that may be less than one could have wished); not disturbed by the desire of anything more, or of anything different; satisfied so as not to repine.

Restless and discontent, we always have that one thing we desire and strive for. Ambition is everything, striving for material goods or temporary highs to make you happy is not. Of course, nobody should have to settle, and though the dichotomy between happiness and unhappiness is vast, it should never be either/or.  Contentment is the medium that I am quite satisfied to place myself in. Unfortunately it would be naive to expect everybody to be happy every single second of every waking day. Contentment is realising that although you might not have much to look forward to this month and you might not have the money you strive for and that one person you're after, you're content with the things you do have.

It is the long term solution that everyone needs to be reminded of once in a while; the mother, the life long friendship that you couldn't live without. Happiness is the short term burst of energy and euphoria and that which is not constant; the drunken night out or that amazing Dominoes pizza. Sure, strive for constant happiness, please do. But know that if you meditate hard on the conditions that you couldn't live without, you will find contentment right in front of you.

The Book Club

Instead of a boring single book review post, I thought I'd provide quick and snappy reviews of a few of the books I've read in 2014 and why in particular they have resonated with me, hopefully providing you with some inspiration for reads in the New Year. Every book worm loves recommendations after all...

1. The God of Small Things Arundhati Roy

I read this novel for the second time this year and it was just as beautiful the second time round. Roy tells a poignant tale of one family's bond, which is torn apart by one tragic accident. The novel is set in Aymanam, India following small people with the largest of hearts. 

The prose maintain a dream like, ethereal quality, wistfully gliding you from one moment in time to another. The temporal setting shifts back and forth from 1969, when fraternal twins Rahel and Esthappen are seven years old, to 1993, when the twins are reunited at age of 31. Along the way readers are exposed to their everyday experiences and what it's like to grow up in a world of communism and the caste system. Don't let the political undertones deter you, Roy manages to evoke a plethora of emotions from sheer joy to genuine upset.

The tragic accident that drives the majority of the narrative is nothing less than shocking, however what I find so beautiful about this novel is the exploration of familial relationships and the ability to resonate so deeply with someone so far removed from Indian culture. 

"Anything can happen to anyone. It's best to be prepared."

Read if you:

Enjoy beautifully written prose

Are a sucker for a sentimental tale 

Liked To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee

2. Rebecca Daphne Du Maurier

An absolute Gothic classic by Maurier, not usually my thing I hasten to add but a surprisingly easy read in comparison to other similar classics and the only novel I've read this year where my jaw has genuinely dropped with shock.

The novel follows the story of a naive young woman (readers never learn her name) who becomes acquainted with a wealthy Englishmen, Maximillian de Winter, a widower far older. The novel is a flashback in its entirety to the narrator's marriage to Maxim and the experiences that take place at Manderley Hall, namely involving the ominous house keeper Mrs. Danvers and the ghost of Maxim's late wife, Rebecca. 

For at first a novel that seems extremely conventional the plot twist hit me in the face at maximum speed. I lost myself entirely in this novel, and read every page in detail to the last full stop.

Read if you:

Enjoy classic novels, think Jane Eyre Charlotte Bronte, Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte

Like a shocking twist  

3. The Bell Jar Sylvia Plath

I wrote my Undergraduate Degree Dissertation on Plath's debut and only novel, focusing primarily on female insanity. I think it's safe to say that as humans, we are generally interested in that which disturbs and unsettles us and what makes the novel even more interesting though be it in a very twisted and perverse way, is that it is reminiscent of Plath's own troubled life.

The novel explores the interiority of a young woman's mind ridden with mental illness and alienation from the self. Even the structure and language of the novel mirrors the narrator's descent to insanity. Though a challenging read at times due its bleak and disturbing tones, the protagonist, Esther, is so relatable She is an everyday woman, experiencing the usual college woes and stresses of maturing into adult working life. What makes the novel so intriguing and raw is the very unemotional description of depression, and the fact that Plath herself committed suicide in the same year the novel was published.

Read if you:

Enjoy books which disturb

Are interested in feminism and female identity

Liked The Yellow Wallpaper Charlotte Perkins-Gilman

4. Sharp Objects Gillian Flynn

So I've already written a little on this book and Gillian Flynn in general which you can read here. Though it by far isn't one of my favourite novels of all time, I thought it best to include in this 'Book Club' as it's a cracker for a quick and easy read - unlike all novels recommended above.

The novel is straight forward from the beginning and lacks any clever twists and turns, unlike it's classic predecessor, Rebecca. However, it is royally disturbing, but in a far less subtle way than The Bell Jar. The novel follows Camille Preaker, upon return to her hometown to report on a series of brutal child murders. Though the characters are far from relatable, they make excellent literary experiments for Flynn to play with, and manage to take the term 'psycho bitch' to a whole new level.

Read if you:

Are after a quick and easy read 

Enjoy disturbing murder mystery novels

Liked Gone Girl Gillian Flynn



Happy reading!