Me, myself and I

So as readers may or may not know, dependant on whether you are a personal friend/social media follower or not, I am currently on a business trip in Australia. I have been provided with a great opportunity to travel around Australia meeting with clients, old (and hopefully new), all independently.

For some, this might seem like a terrifying and intimidating experience. And for anyone that had a conversation with me prior to me departing on my Aussie adventure, you will know I was pretty much petrified. So far though, my experience has been wonderful. I’ve been on my own every day, have been eating on my own every night, and honestly, it’s been pretty nice.

What leads me to writing this post is a fairly embarrassing turn of events. If you’ve read my blog before, you will know that ‘embarrassing’ is basically my middle name. I’m a goofy, single loser who goes on plenty an awful date and am someone who uses these ‘hilarious’ stories as fuel for my blog. Winn-ing.

I was kindly recommended a bar by a good friend in the heart of Melbourne’s Fitzroy neighbourhood; Naked for Satan. So when a native Aussie recommended I go too, I jumped at the opportunity. Two glasses of red down following a cheese and wine spread, kindly put on by the office I was temporarily working in, I ventured alone to Naked for Satan.

Having arrived, I ordered a glass of red (obviously) from the downstairs bar and awkwardly asked how I got upstairs to the rooftop terrace; “err you get the lift?”. C’mon Hols, use your brain. I got the lift and went upstairs to the terrace – breathtakingly stunning may I add. Shame it was short lived…

I did a lap of the terrace to find that a) there were no tables and b) every single person was clearly enjoying Friday post-work drinks with multiple friends. So do you know what I had to do? I had to awkwardly stand against a wall, A WALL, holding my laptop in the lamest little laptop carrier, drinking red wine, all on my own.

It happened. I died a bit. I’m over it.

Even as I write this, I feel like I’m getting stares. People are walking past me like ‘what the fuck is she doing, it’s Friday night and she’s on her own tapping away at her laptop – is she alright?!’.

But do you know what this experience and this trip in general has taught me so far? That it’s okay to be on your own. That people don’t really give a shit if you want to be alone and that really, nobody is staring at you. Do not flatter yourself. People constantly ask me, ‘have you made friends?!’, and don’t get me wrong, making a pal or two wouldn’t go a miss, but equally, why isn’t being on your own just as acceptable?

My dear friend enlightened me to the ‘spotlight affect’ (no pun intended). This is when you’re on your own and you feel like there’s a spotlight on you and that people are constantly staring and judging you. But in reality, the people upstairs who just witnessed me drinking wine alone, probably didn’t even think twice. ‘Oh she’s waiting for someone’, ‘oh she’s been stood up, that’s a shame’, ‘oh she’s had a big day’. Do we really care that much? The likelihood is, I’m never going to see these people again, and this time tomorrow do you really think they’re going to be like ‘HAR HAR DO YOU REMEMBER THAT GIRL ON HER OWN?’. Nope, no, they are not.

So sometimes, it’s okay to eat at a restaurant alone, to explore somewhere new on your own and to enjoy your own company. I for one am having a wail of a time and I only have myself to hold responsible. That’s a pretty empowering thing, right?

There’s only one thing left to do and do you know what that is? Sit on this dingy table on the ground floor and order myself another glass of wine. It’s all for me, and I’m loving it.