The Dating Scene in NYC

If you're single and have been for a fairly hefty amount of time (Exhibit A right here), then you'll know the dating scene can be an unpredictable, terrifying and hilarious place all at once. And if you haven't been single for so long that you start to question yourself and everything you stand for, then I hate you (not really, but still). Dating is a battleground and a theme park all at the same time and if you even make it past the entirely average and mediocre chat of dating apps to a first date, it's a miracle in itself. Having said that, new to New York City with just a handful of friends to frolic with, I decided to get back on said dating apps, and my oh my has it been quite the treat for all the wrong reasons. 

A few years ago, I wrote about why I deleted dating apps, and I still stand firmly by my words, however in an entirely new city, reinstalling the likes of Tinder and Bumble seemed like an entertaining and harmless thing to do. Safe to say, the experience so far has provided me with all the laughs, and I haven't even been on a first date yet. As you'd expect then, neither have I found the one. But really, how many people actually find the one from a dating app? Like, really? If you're one of the few then congratu-bloody-lations, I haven't decided whether you're just really patient and have put in a lot of bloody effort, or if you're an absolute God. (And if you have, please tell me how so I can take notes). 

So far, the apps have been entirely disappointing from a viewpoint of actually finding a decent human being to take me out for a bev or three. However, it's certainly opened my eyes to the world of dating American men and has taught me that I'm going to have to be way more patient than I originally thought. There's over 8.4 million people living in New York, surely it would be easy to find at least one guy that I could have a decent chat with? Wrong. Without further ado, I introduce you to the three types of men on American dating apps:

The Banter Kings

Firstly, that whole tailoring joke relating to his name? Tell me that's not funny, go on. Bumble is a dating app where the girl has to make the first move, so having observed that the guy was a suit designer, I was expecting way more than a 'Lol no'. Thanks Taylor, I've gained so much from this conversation. 

As for old matey who suffered from a slight case of Pneunomia, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, but as an opening line? Are you quite sure? Chat levels = zero. 

The Utterly Cringe Worthy

Do men actually think that by objectifying women and writing comments like the one on the left that we're immediately going to swoon and drop our pants? Think again. He was a fellow speccy like me so I immediately thought, get in. But the booty comment? You have literally never even seen me and my booty so your comment is not only inappropriate, it's beyond irrelevant. 

To the guy that told me I'm beautiful, god bless you and your straight to the point comment. However, with grammar having gone walkabout, I'm unsure whether he's saying 'You're so beautiful. God bless' or 'You're so beautiful that god blessed you'. Either way, the effort was there but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. 

The Super Observant

If you ask me, this guy is the creme of the crop. A fairly decent intro should there be an actual story behind the username, but certainly not if the username is JUST YOUR NAME. Literally, it's my name. Holly. Does he want me to tell him how my parents chose the name or does he think I see myself as a bush? I guess we'll never know. 

Contrary to my sarcasm, this isn't at all aimed to poke fun at blokes that are just trying to get by in a very competitive and crowded space. I appreciate that the dating scene can be equally as intimidating for men as it is for women. However, if the comments above are an indication of whats to come on an actual date, then count me out. I'm way more content being single thank you. 

I can't help but feel that dating apps encourage us all to settle. To settle for people that don't have the chat, that are entirely contrived, and that just really aren't on our bloody wave length. For some women, the men above might be just right, and I hope for all their sakes they find the right girl that isn't going to write a blog post about how utterly terrible their intros are (guiltyyyy). In a world where being single apparently means you're lonely (read this post for more of that), dating apps provide a level of hope, and if you enjoy using them, then I urge you to continue. For me, they're great for a good old giggle, and for that reason they can stay. But I've had many more valuable conversations with people in real life; in bars, in the park, in shops, and granted, the english accent which I 100% play up to certainly helps, but a natural and organic encounter is way more valuable to me than a poorly thought out chat up line. 

Ultimately, it comes down to patience. I am yet to find someone who I click with and who makes me feel special, but I appreciate that being single has its perks, and it isn't a reflection on who I am as a person. It's natural to start to question yourself when you've been single for a while, but the worst thing you can possibly do is to settle for someone who's attempt at wooing you is a scripted chat up line on Tinder. (Unless that's what you want, in which case, you do you). 

If anything, just realise that there are tons of people out there who would be so willing to talk to you if you put your phone down and gave them the time of day. People who are genuinely interested in what you have to say, and people who won't make you settle for anything less than you're worth. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself anyway.